Ruby Diamond's Recipe for Disaster

In the immediate wake of Esmerelda, I thought of some kind of spy/adventure spoof as my next venture. I've always loved the James Bond series, as well as TV faves like the Avengers, Batman, Get Smart, and the Man from U.N.C.L.E., and wanted to do my take on the 1960s entertainment culture, with all its swinging lifestyles, hippie cliches, campy humor, and a society in radical transition from the past.

The result was this absurd farce called Ruby Diamond's Recipe for Disaster, in which the female lead (Agent 36-DD) is assigned to stop the Jester and his sidekick Ninja man from hoarding the world's supply of gold and silver. The beautiful protagonist, through many wardrobe changes, humourous altercations with "minor" characters, mounting suspense, and a pie interrogation skit, eventually defeats the villain, only to find herself commissioned on yet another messy assignment -- when will the madness ever end!

I guess that's the point ... A mad world, circumstances ultimately beyond our control, made funny, sexy, and entertaining, with at least some redeeming value. My own cynical attitude came out--somewhat unintentionally--in this one, for I, like many people nowadays, are getting leery of Wal-Mart and other corporate pirates who are "hoarding" all the world's goods and swallowing up everything. Hence the Jester, CEO of Dastardly Enterprises, taking over the world with his "Great Magnet." This video has dark undertones, I must admit.

But can we still have a belly laugh and a raucous slapstick good time anyway? You betcha!

Ruby Diamond is hilarious, action-packed, and sexy all at once. This video contains a sampling of pratfalls and stumbles, knocks and shocks, physical struggles, ironic humor, and various pie-in-the-face deliveries. It even dwelves into moments of dramatic tension and suspense, yet balanced with cheeky camera angles and that subtle eye-winking humor. Our evenly-tanned, ponytail-haired, buxomous heroine alternates from snazy psychadelic garb to cocktail halter dresses, battles it out with strange and inept male counterparts, utilizes her wits and resources, and endures a zany interrogation scene involving lots of creamy pies and saucy banter with her adversary. I basically threw everything I possibly could into this thing and waited to see what turned out -- a Recipe for Disaster!

Here you will find some swanky, 60s-style filmmaking, such as oddball camera positioning, quick zooms and protracted dissolves, funky transitions, and references to things groovy and colorful. The result is something wonderfully and humourously outdated, harking back to the early years of color television and Cold War-era cinematic absurdity. It was actually an appropriate fit for my low-tech equipment and basic production values.

The female lead is a bit accident-prone. Falling over tables, slipping on banana peels, and getting electrocuted by otherwise safe household appliances seems a natural condition for her. You'd think, hey, a secret agent should be a perfect specimen of brains and sophistication, right? After all, doesn't the peace and security of our nation rely on such masters of intelligence-gathering? Oh, the irony of it all!

She's also over-confident. Call it a character flaw, or perhaps a by-product of women's lib. She gets ahead of herself at times, has trouble taking seriously the situations into which she is thrown, and, understandably, underestimates her ridiculous opponents. Thus, she's usually on the receiving end of the gags. Smart and gorgeous women ought to have everything go their way, huh? Once again, irony.

Mrs. Diamond is played by Anna, a figure model and aspiring actress, who is also currently starring in and co-producing a horror film. Here's a superb example of the classic female face and figure. She is not your girl next door, and actually, lives way out in the country, far far away from the reach of mortal man (I'm not kidding!). She is sometimes mesmerizing to watch on screen. Yet her natural and imposing, sometimes stoic, appearance cleverly disguises a warm personality and genuinely goofball sense of humor. When the Jester is holding a big fluffy cream pie in front of her, her only reaction is to giggle, little-girlishly and without restraint. All her reactions to the pies are classic slapstick -- flailing arms, slow facial wipe-aways, moans, some laughter, surprised expressions, jeers, rolling eyes, and catchy verbal comebacks. And she's not a bad pie-thrower, either!

Ruby Diamond was not easy to produce. I cannot count the script re-writes. The shoot took about ten hours, twice as long as expected, with us working way into the wee hours of the morning. The propmastering was a virtually impossible task. And getting the place back to normal (following the big "mess") was like Army boot camp. But the shoot was fun nonetheless, as well as a learning experience, and I got to meet some wonderful people.

This little flick has powerful, well-integrated music tracks, featuring the main theme, a variation of the early 1960s Bond surf-guitar riff, with blasting horns and a swingin' beat. A collection of groovy little ditties, ragtime numbers, ominous drones, and suspenseful musical beds accompany the action and comedy. This film must be heard in stereo and seen on the wide screen!